I have a confession to make...about a month ago I really started to worry about my ability to love two kids "equally". I just wasn't sure I could juggle having two and making sure that one or the other didn't get the shaft when it comes to my time, my attention, and especially my patience. To make matters worse...Camden is such a good kid. Don't get me wrong, he has his "two year old issues" like any other kid...but he's always been a good sleeper, a good eater, and an all around pretty "textbook" baby. (If you're familiar with "The Baby Whisperer" and my personality, you'll know that's a good thing.) I honestly thought that if Alison wasn't quite so textbook and took too much of the the time, patience, etc. that I have for him away, then I was essentially "cheating" on him.
Then she arrived...and I quickly realized that just when you think you've been giving all of your love to someone, you find that you have the capacity to love even more.
I knew this was true when Ryan and I went from being "a couple" to being "a family" but I really thought that it was because the love was different. I had all of this new love for Camden b/c I love him in a totally different way than I love Ryan. But I love my kids with the same kind of love...so I was worried that there wouldn't be enough love to go around. It's amazing how love is just multiplied without any effort on the part of the parent or the child - that there's connection that exists that bears no explanation b/c there really is no way to explain it.
Don't get me wrong, I know there will be many moments when even though I love my children, I really don't like them very much (it happens most often during her 2 a.m. scream fests or when he's having one of his "two year old issues" I mentioned earlier) and I know that because my children are different, I will love them differently. But it's great to know that while I love Ryan with all my heart, there's more than enough love remaining in that heart to go around for the kiddos too.
I am totally in love - with my husband, my kids, and my Jesus (who gives me the strength to get through the scream fests and the "issues") and it just keeps multiplying everyday!