Sometimes I think it's unfair that I get to stay home with Camden and Ryan has to go to work and often has to go away on business trips and to professional conferences. I worry that he'll miss out on things - especially the "firsts" - you know, first words, first steps, etc... But in light of the events of tonight, I think that Ryan may be the "lucky one".
Let me set up the scene for you...
Many of you know that Ryan is in Louisville, Kentucky this weekend taking his American Board of Radiology exam. He's taking the third and final oral portion of the exam. He flew out early Saturday morning and will return tomorrow morning...gone just long enough to miss all the excitement...
The scene continues in that this is also the last weekend that we will be in Omaha. The movers come bright and early tomorrow morning to pack up the house and then they'll be back on Tuesday to load it all in the truck. And, since we are temporarily moving into an apartment, I had to spend the entire weekend sorting and marking every last item in the house as to whether it goes to the apartment or to storage. I hired a sitter for the weekend and I worked for about 8 hours on Saturday and then another 6 hours today and finished up the preparations by mowing the lawn one last time and doing the last load of laundry - not a long blade of grass or dirty piece of clothing remains. Needless to say, I am exhausted. I planned to label a few last things this evening after I took the sitter home and then I planned to go to bed early...see the previous post for what I have learned about planning to go to bed early.
The last thing you need to know about the set up - which will give away where this is headed - is that Camden is on a "poop every 10-12 days" schedule. There's nothing wrong...the boy just doesn't like to poop and since we don't like changing poopy diapers, we're not complaining about his schedule.
Now...here's what happened just as it was time for bed...
We're sitting on the couch, Camden had just been fed and I had just gotten off the phone with Ryan (who feels pretty good about his performance on the exam, by the way) and we were getting ready to head upstairs for our nightly ritual of pj's, nighttime prayers, time in the rocking chair, and then off to dreamland. Camden was having a little gas, but I didn't expect any action since he just pooped this past Thursday...which means we aren't due up for more activity in the under-pants until at least June 7th or 8th. About halfway up the stairs, he let out the biggest poot I have ever heard. If he had been in a farting contest with 100 adult males he would have walked away with the trophy no question. So we get upstairs and I lay him down on the changing table...that's when the most massive amount of poop I have ever see comes squirting out both sides of his diaper, covering the outfit he had - so much for clean laundry.
I quickly whip into action, trying my best to keep it contained but it was a lost cause. As I pull the diaper off to see the extent of the damage, I am hit with a smell so foul I just about passed out - and the poop is all over him, up his back, on his legs, everywhere.
As I turned to get more wipes, he begins to wiggle around...I just thought the poop was everywhere, thanks for proving me wrong...now it's all over the changing pad, then he gets his foot in it which he then kicks me with getting poop on my t-shirt. I am pulling wipes faster than ever and think I am starting to get the upper hand. However, sixteen wipes in and poop under my nails I realize that I am really making no progress so I decide to just go lay him in his tub and wash him off.
That's when I remember that I have sorted and piled all the bath stuff on one shelf in the closet so it can get packed tomorrow. I could get it all out, but what am I supposed to do with my poop-covered child while I prep the bath? Where is Ryan again?
Since my t-shirt has poop on it anyway, I decide just to pick him up and hold him while I get the bath ready. I pick him up and we get to bathroom just in time for him to pee on me. Even though I am a first time mom, I should have better sense than to not put a diaper on him, but I was so consumed by the poop thing, I totally forgot about that loaded pistol. Now not only do I have poop on my shirt, but I am wet all down the front.
I get the bath ready and I lay him down in the tub - and I promise you, he looked at me and grinned - the little booger. I decide selling him on eBay isn't really an option, so we carry on and do our thing - the bath is dome, he's all nice and clean - diaper on - and in his jammies. I take Camden to his room - which still smells horrible so I yank the changing pad, the absorbent thing that goes on it, and his clothes off the changing table and drop them in the sink in the guest bathroom and then I try to get him to go to sleep...which is what we started up the stairs to do almost 45 minutes earlier. He's just about out so I lay him down in his crib, back away slowly and walk out - leaving the door all the way open because that smell is just so putrid.
I stop by the laundry room to grab the Shout gel and it's off to the bathroom to tackle the linens. I soap, scrub, and rinse for about 15 minutes until I get all the poop off so that I can throw of these things in the washing machine and do what will now be my last load of laundry before the move. As the machine is filling up with water I add my Dreft and start loading things into the top. This is when the changing pad drops a big glop of turd in the water filling the machine - evidently it was hidden in a fold just waiting to make my night more challenging. The poop is quickly starting to dissolve in the machine and since I don't want to wash the entire load in poop water, I immediately lean over and stick both of my hands into the water trying to scoop out the poop - which is when I find out that I forgot to close the door on the cabinet above the machine. I smacked my forehead into the corner of the open door. Really...like the poop, bath, and laundry wasn't enough already? So I got to finish scooping poop out of the machine through the tears that welled up in my eyes when my forehead made contact with the corner of the door. But I fished it all out and got the laundry underway.
I really am looking forward to being home with Camden - to go to the zoo, the children's museum, and the park; to color, sing silly songs, and all the many other fun things that we will do. I am so fortunate that it's just as important to Ryan that I stay home as it is to me and that he's willing to live a lifestyle that affords me the opportunity to do so. But tonight as I sit here on the couch with a throbbing headache waiting for the laundry to finish washing so that I can get it in the dryer before heading to bed - and not at all early I might add - I say again, Ryan may be the lucky one this time.