First Wish

As I try to figure out how to put into words all of the thoughts I have about how much my life has changed since Camden was born three years ago, words just fail me. Camden Matthew entered this world and our lives haven't been the same. 
I will confess to you, I am just not a "baby" person. Everyone told me, "Oh, that'll change when it's your own kids you're talking about" but honestly, it didn't. Sometimes I feel guilty about it - that perhaps I didn't enjoy all of those infant days because I was longing for the next stage to get here. Even now I watch videos of Camden, and even Alison, from when they were born and I just don't remember them being that small. Maybe it's the fact that you're so caught up in "survival" that it is hard to stop and smell the roses...or perhaps it's that you can't smell the roses for all of the dirty diapers!
But, what I am, is a "toddler" person. I love the stage that Camden is in right now - I love the black and white, logical, common sense he uses in every situation. I love that everything is literal and everything is linear. I love watching him learn - seeing him master new skills, make his own decisions (yes, even if they are different from what I would have decided) and marveling at how he's becoming his own little person - not just a baby that pretty much just eats, sleeps and poops all day (no offense Alison!).
Case in point:
At our house we have a red plastic bucket full of stickers, silly putty, etc. that I use to encourage (okay, bribe) Camden to stay quiet when I am on the phone. It's a simple equation: Mommy's on the phone + you stay quiet for the entire phone call = you get to choose a prize from the bucket. Last week I received a phone call that lasted all of 12 seconds (a wrong number) but still long enough for Camden to remind me that he gets a prize from the red bucket if he's quiet while I'm on the phone. As I attempted to explain to him that this situation didn't warrant a prize, he continued to remind me "that's how it works". Finally, my exasperated response was, "Camden, I just can't get you a prize right now." His reply to that, "Well mommy, if you can't do something you should pray and ask Jesus to help you because my Bible verse says 'I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.(Fa-wip-e-uns 4:13)' I was completely speechless. Not only at the fact that he could apply a verse we'd learned together to a specific situation, but that he was using scripture to "correct" me! :o)
And yes, after praying together, I gave him the stickers.
Camden keeps us on our toes, keeps us laughing, keeps us guessing, and keeps us learning how to love on a level we never understood until he arrived in our lives three years ago. Yes, there are challenges (c'mon, he's a toddler) and there are days that I spend almost his entire nap time researching how to get my license to teach here b/c I don't think I can take another full day at home with him. But more days than not, it's a job that I love and I am grateful to God for assigning him to me. I pray that he will always enjoy learning new things, that he will always make his own decisions, and that he will continue to grow in the wisdom and knowledge of Jesus Christ. I pray that I will have a child that will always think to share scripture with me when I am "struggling" with an issue. I pray that I can be the mom that God has called me to be and that He will strengthen me and intercede for me when I fail (because I do so on a daily basis). I pray that Ryan and I would together show him what true love looks like - not only the love we have for each other, but the love our Heavenly Father has for us as well. 

Happy Birthday little man! You are my "first wish!"

You Are My I Love You

Author: Maryann K Cusimano

I am your parent you are my child

I am your quiet place, you are my wild

I am your calm face, you are my giggle

I am your wait, you are my wiggle

I am your audience, you are my clown

I am your London Bridge, you are my falling down

I am your Carrot Sticks, you are my licorice

I am your dandelion, you are my first wish

I am your water wings, you are my deep

I am your open arms, you are my running leap

I am your way home, you are my new path

I am your dry towel, you are my wet bath

I am your dinner you are my chocolate cake

I am your bedtime, you are my wide awake

I am your finish line, you are my race

I am your praying hands, you are my saving grace

I am your favorite book, you are my new lines

I am your nightlight, you are my sunshine

I am your lullaby, you are my peek-a-boo

I am your kiss goodnight, you are my I love you.

Eureka!

For those of you that know me well (okay, you don't have to know me that well to know this) you know I am a planner. I love to have things mapped out...whether its a route to a destination or a time line for preparing for something...I have to have a plan. I like for others whose plans affect my plans to make me aware of their plans so that I can plan accordingly. I am also that person that freaks out when plans change and I don't know about it early enough to plan an alternate plan. Blame it on the first-born, type A, anal retentive personality...but I am what I am.

However, I had a realization today. Let me back up and give you some insight on to how this realization occurred. Here's a typical, pretty much daily conversation between Camden and myself:

Me: Good morning, sunshine Camden!
C: Good morning, sunshine Mommy! What are we going to do first today?

Me: We're going to eat breakfast.
C: What are we going to do after that?

Me: We're going to get dressed for our day.
C: What are we going to do after that?

Me: We're going to (insert activity) - paint, play fire trucks, run errands, go to school, etc.
C: What are we going to do after that?

Me: We're going to (insert another activity)
C: What are we going to do after that?

Me: We're going to have lunch.
C: What are we going to do after that?

Me: We're going to watch a show, then you're going to take a nap.
C: What are we going to do after that?

Me: We're going to (insert another activity)
C: What are we going to do after that?

Me: I am going to strap you in a chair and force you to not speak for 2 hours.
C: What are we going to do after that?

Me: Why do you always have to know what is going on?

This is where my "ah ha moment" occurs. It's because you are my son and you are becoming just like me. And...I have to do something about this before it gets out of control!

I mean really? Is this what I sound like? Not that I think I can (or want to) do much about it - after 34 years of being like this...it doesn't look hopeful for things to change. But hopefully I have realized it early enough to steer Camden clear of the hyper-planning path he was headed down.

So now, when I get the dreaded, "What are we going to do after that" question, my answer to him is, "I don't know, we'll have to wait and see..." Although, if he's asking about anything in the next 48-72 hours, trust me, I have it all planned out.

25 Days of Christmas - Day #24

Today was my kind of day. For those of you familiar with the five love languages...my primary language is "quality time" and I'm fairly certain that if I had to choose a second language, it would also be "quality time". :o)

This morning we literally did nothing. We drank coffee (Camden included...he prefers it black but I was sharing mine so he had to deal with a little half and half in it), we played games, we watched it rain, we prepped a baked strawberry french toast dish to have tomorrow morning for breakfast...but mostly we just enjoyed being together without a "to do" list in sight. Yes, we still ran a load of laundry and lugged out the suitcases to pack for our trip to NC tomorrow, but mostly we just enjoyed being in our jammies all (as Camden put it) nice and comfy and laughed the morning away.

This morning was not without it's "toddler moments" but it also held the moment when Camden just snuggled up next to me on the sofa and out of the blue said, "mom, you're the best mom". It's moments like these when I am reminded that all of the dinner prepping, potty training, laundry folding, discipline giving, manners teaching, etc, etc, is totally worth it. Being a parent is the most physically, mentally, and emotionally draining thing I have ever done in my life...but it's also the most rewarding thing as well. I have more than an occasional moment when I love my kids but I don't like them very much...but today was not one of those days (well, except during the Christmas Eve service when Camden must have thought I was a jungle gym because he climbed all over me the entire service!).

Tonight after the Christmas Eve service we had a birthday party for Jesus. We've been talking for weeks about how Christmas is the celebration of Jesus' birthday and a couple of days ago Camden asked what kind of cake we were having. I'd never really thought about having an actual party, but it seemed like a great idea so we went with it.

We had a yellow cake with milk chocolate frosting (my favorite) but, according to Camden, it wasn't really a birthday cake without sprinkles so we had those too. After singing happy birthday to Jesus, Camden blew out the candle and we each enjoyed a slice (okay, two slices) of cake. (Camden even made sure that Jesus was part of the action...see his Little People Nativity Jesus hanging out next to the cake?) :o)

I then read the Christmas story from Camden's toddler Bible and we talked specifically about the significance of the gifts that the wise men brought - you should hear Camden pronounce frankincense! We are really trying to make it a point to explain that the gifts we open are to celebrate Jesus' birthday - that He loves us so much that He wants us to have the gifts instead of Him and that we can be reminded of His love toward us every time we look at the gift we received.

Back in 2001 when Ryan and I celebrated our first "married" Christmas we started the tradition of giving each other an ornament every year. We expanded that tradition to Camden in 2008 and to Alison this year. So tonight at Jesus' birthday party, we each opened our ornament for this year.

We really enjoyed having a party and I'm thinking this may become a tradition in our house. We're busy now packing the last few items in our suitcases during commercial breaks of our favorite Christmas movies. We hope that each one of you has a very Merry Christmas and we pray God's blessings on you in the year ahead!!!

25 Days of Christmas - Day #23

Today we finished up a last few tasks before Ryan has the day off tomorrow and we spend the whole day in our jammies just enjoying being together.

This morning we completed our task of choosing some toys to give to other boys and girls that don't have any or many toys. At first Camden seemed to finally grasp the concept, but after his first two choices of things to give away were Alison's toys, we had to back up and talk about it a little more. He finally caught on and we ended up with a brown paper grocery sack packed full of toys to give away.

Later in the day we delivered some homemade goodies to our neighbors and a few of our friends. We then enjoyed donning our Santa hats and walking around the neighborhood to deliver our reindeer cookies...

Tonight we picked up Ryan from work and drove over to Highland Park to look at all the Christmas Lights. Impressive...both the houses and the lights.

We're getting very excited about Christmas...and of course, the airplane ride on Saturday to see Oma, Papa, Granna, all the Aunts and Uncles and the ever growing list of cousins!

25 Days of Christmas - Day #22

Today was cookie decorating day at our house! Camden had a few friends over and they each decorated an "ornament" cookie.

Let's get this party started!

Camden chose a bell for his ornament.

Such concentration!!!

Camden really liked the chocolate sprinkles.

I didn't have the heart to tell him his cookie looked like it'd been pooped on by a mouse!

We had a lot of fun and Millie enjoyed cleaning up the floor when we were done.

25 Days of Christmas - Day #21

So today was a no-go on the Christmas themed activities. Between house cleaning, laundry folding, errand running and baby feeding/changing, there wasn't much time for anything else.

I did prepare for our playdate tomorrow where we'll be decorating "ornament" cookies in the shapes of bells, stockings and balls. Icing, candy bits and sprinkles galore for two 2-year olds, a 3 year old and a 4 year old...hmmm, perhaps I should have waited to mop the kitchen floor. :o)

Honestly, with it being 84 degrees outside today, it was difficult to get into the "Christmas mood" and way more fun to play in the sandbox in the backyard. We did watch "Diego Saves Christmas" today before naptime...does that count?

25 Days of Christmas - Day #20

Today Camden, Alison and I worked on a few last gifts for Daddy. I can't tell you much about them here since he'll be reading this as well...but let's just say mixing cement was involved. :o)

Camden and I also spent a little time today going through some of his toys and talking about what we can give to other children that might not be getting any toys for Christmas. I say we spent a little time because we had to stop when I couldn't think of ways to answer his questions. I'm going to throw them out here so perhaps you can help me...

As we discussed that there were kids that might not get any toys for Christmas, he asked me if it was because they hadn't been good and if that was why Santa wasn't coming to see them. And, if they hadn't been good, then why did he need to share with them. I could answer the second one with relatively little stress, but the first one has kinda thrown me for a loop. We're definitely a "Jesus first, Santa second" kind of family and we try not to get caught up in the "you'd better behave, Santa's watching you" kind of stuff - b/c I want him (eventually them) to behave because it's what they should do...all year long...not just when Santa might be looking in on him. But we do celebrate the magic of Santa and we will wake up on Christmas mornings and make the mad dash to the living room to see just how much of the milk and cookies he consumed. So I am at a loss for how to answer the question about the other kids not getting a visit from Santa.

Any suggestions?